Sis, I feel you so hard with this. While our traumas may have been of a different sort, the age they were experienced and the resulting defense mechanisms were the same. I used to call it my "hard candy shell". The tough protective barrier I "wore" to protect the vulnerable child that still existed within. It was all I could do to escape physical and verbal abuse. The anger, the volatility. it was all there. It was my shield. I started going to school by myself on a city bus and two trains at 8 years old. The things I experienced, I would never have survived if I didn't have my shell. And that was supposed to be my escape from home life. Now that I can live my truth uncompromisingly, so much has melted away and I feel better for it.
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While our traumas may have been of a different sort, the age they were experienced and the resulting defense mechanisms were the same.
I used to call it my "hard candy shell". The tough protective barrier I "wore" to protect the vulnerable child that still existed within.
It was all I could do to escape physical and verbal abuse.
The anger, the volatility. it was all there. It was my shield. I started going to school by myself on a city bus and two trains at 8 years old.
The things I experienced, I would never have survived if I didn't have my shell.
And that was supposed to be my escape from home life.
Now that I can live my truth uncompromisingly, so much has melted away and I feel better for it.
I love you sis. I'm glad you have come so far. <3